Smile!

Losing my Mama was perhaps the most PAINFUL life experience I’ve ever had. Even worse than losing my Grandpa, Mama’s departure left a void in my heart that took more than 10 years to heal. I’m not very good with goodbye or letting go. I have this tendency to hold on to dear life until the pain is gone or replaced by another emotion, whichever comes first.

Mama left us in February 2004, just an hour after Valentine’s Day ended. I know, you’re probably rolling your eyes now thinking, “apilon pa gyud ang Valentine’s Day oi!” Well, I have no other excuse other than the fact that this makes it easier for me to remember her death anniversary. Yes, I’m also no good with dates, except for birthdays, which I’m really good at remembering. Okay, you can roll your eyes now! LOL!

Tonight, I was sorting through my recent photos and was organizing them when I inadvertently unearthed a very old photo, one that was taken over a decade ago. Little did I know that I would also uncover some memories, pleasant ones this time. Needless to say, I am now using this image as my profile picture on Facebook.

My Aunt noticed and complimented me on how “sexy” I was. She also asked me to bring this look back saying I was very “pretty” in that picture. Well, now you understand why I was very inspired to write this blog. A former schoolmate who I bumped into also said I was looking quite “blooming” these days. 

I guess it took me a long time to accept the fact that Mama is gone and will no longer be rejoining me. Not in this lifetime, at least. Maybe the reason why I lost that “sparkle” is because I lost the single, most important person in my life. And perhaps the reason why I am “blooming” again is because I’ve taken that reality to heart and I am finally getting back in gear and moving on. I feel like my grief and heartache has been replaced by this wonderful emotion that I can’t quite describe – joy or happiness? If that’s the case then, thank God! It’s about time!

And so, as I go about my rounds again, I will remember this small lesson that I will keep in my heart forever... life is fleeting so love lots, laugh more, and smile always. Who knows? Someone could be falling in love with your smile right now! Here’s hoping! *wink*

Writing & Music -- My Gifts

Writing and Music... these are my gifts. I feel that combining these two would fulfil both my dreams and my ambitions. No, I’m not about to turn into Mariah Carey (I wish!). I have a feeling that these gifts are not meant to be torn apart.

Recent events have shown me the way (well, sort of). You see, this year was a year of firsts for me, including two joint birthday celebrations with different groups of people who I hang out with.

The first one was a videoke birthday party; and I have to say, it was one of the best videoke birthday parties I’ve ever had. We even had a tarpaulin and all! The food was delicious, especially the fried chicken. I could barely keep my hands off those drumsticks all night! LOL!

Saying that we sang all night is probably a huge understatement cuz we sang til 2 or 3am. During some parts, we even danced... and we’ve got the videos to prove it.  Although, those videos probably won’t see the light of day unless one of us blackmails someone! *Evil grin*

The second one was a simple dinner at a quaint little restaurant in the city that looked like a throwback to the Spanish era. It was a bit like dining in an old Spanish-owned house. The food was amazing but the company, even more so!

I can’t compare one with the other because these were different people. But one thing that I found interesting in both was the camaraderie that felt similar to my best friends since kindergarten. You know how they say that real friends are those people who, when you meet them, it feels like you were never apart no matter how long it has been since your last gathering? That’s how it felt.

Anyway, going back to my gifts, I kind of had a reawakening – a reminder that God has blessed me with these wonderful gifts and I should really use them while I’m still here on earth. I’ve always wanted to write music and I feel like the only thing that has stopped me from pursuing this is my insecurities.

This time, I am determined to give this a go. Who knows what will happen? I may just pen the most amazing love song you’ve ever heard. Or, I may be able to use these gifts to help someone. One thing is for sure. I am determined to see this through. I even checked out some instruments today and found this cool little place where they have the best-priced Casio keyboard I’ve seen so far. It’s cute. It’s compact. It’s affordable. Now you do the math. J

I am both excited and nervous. I’m not sure where this will lead but I trust that apprehension will turn into inspiration soon enough. Who knows? I may be doing more than travelling this year, after all.

How about you? Is there a dream or gift that you’d LOVE to pursue? Care to share it? J